The Inclusion Pool Paradox (And Why Playing It Safe is Dangerous)
Growing up in Lebanon, we had a birthday tradition that I always found incredibly silly: at nighttime pool parties, all the guests would conspire to throw the birthday kid into the water fully clothed!
When I turned 14, I had a pool party with all my classmates. After dinner, the time approached for the dreadful tradition to take place. But time passed, and nobody made a move to throw me in. They all hesitated. They assumed that because of my stutter, I was already dealing with enough obstacles, so they spared me from the fraternal hazing.
While part of me was relieved to stay dry, a significantly larger part of me wondered, "Why am I not deemed worthy of being thrown into the pool?". Their attempt to deliberately protect me only served to make me feel completely ostracized.
It wasn't until my friend Mark finally yelled my name and tackled me into the water that I felt like I actually belonged. The water was cold, and my clothes made it hard to swim, but I came up with a massive smile on my face.
When people walk on eggshells around you out of fear of offending you, it creates an environment of exclusion. Playing it safe actually robs everyone of genuine connection and limits our potential to grow together.
Inclusion is not just about being treated with artificial niceness. Being included means you get thrown into the pool, too.
This applies directly to how we build culture at work and in society. Professor Loretta Ross speaks about replacing the culture of public "calling out" with the more inviting "calling in".
Calling out alienates people and makes them too afraid to participate, whereas calling in creates space for meaningful progress. If our goal is to build environments where everyone feels respected, guilt won't get us there - curiosity will.
Organizations that fail to make all their members feel capable of prosperity are suffering from their own "organizational stutter".
The "Yes Way" Takeaway
Inclusion means diving in together.
Take a moment to reflect after watching my TEDx talk: How has "playing it safe", either by holding yourself back or by walking on eggshells around others, actually been dangerous for your growth? Let's discuss in the comments! 💭
